Grieving the Loss
of your Loved One
Are you suffering from a devastating loss that is so great, you think no one else can possibly understand? First, let us say we do understand as we have loved and lost a loved one as well.
The loss of an loved one can be so great, and your grief may take quite a while to work through, for many reasons. Such as simply missing the day to day time when you were together. Give yourself time. It may take months, and most likely years to fully complete the grieving process.
Grief comes and goes in stages.
When your loved one dies you may have strong feeling about it's death, initially you may experience feeling of shock, which include numbness, like your loved one's death didn't really happen. This first stage is called: Denial. Denial is a normal part of the grieving process. As you grieve, you may also feel very intense feelings of anger. Anger is the second stage and you may become angry with anyone involved in the loss of your loved one, as well as those around you, at work or home. The third stage is: Guilt. Guilt may spark feeling of self doubt. Doubt about the care you were able to give your loved one, and the time you spent together. You may feel deeply sad and depressed for a long time.
In time you will get to the final stage, which is acceptance. This may time a long time and be a very long road. Take the time you need and don't let anyone tell you, you should be over it. There are no time constraints to missing that special loved one now gone forever. If you can start a new loving adventure!
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Four Stages of Grief
Even though we empathize with your loss as we’ve had loved one’s die, too; understanding and “getting through” your own time of mourning and grieving comes in waves and has four identifiable stages.
Denial
The first stage of grief is, often, a kind of numbness and shock. It takes time to become accustomed to not having your loved one with you, doing the day-to-day activities to which you’ve become accustomed. Acknowledging your loss and their absence can be one of the most difficult stages.
Give yourself this time to honor and remember them. By recalling their absence, you confirm your love and can find ways to bear witness to their memory.
Anger
Being angry with your loved one’s death is the second stage of grieving. Sometimes you’re angry with them for leaving you. Sometimes you’re angry with “Life” for taking them from you. Your anger can erupt toward family, friends and with those you work, as their living continues, apparently uninterrupted, while you wrangle with your loss.
Guilt
Questions such as, Did you give enough care? or Was the time you spent together the best you could give? can cause you to feel guilty, generating deep sadness and depression. Since there’s no one to give you those answers, you can get mired in a whirlwind of emotions. Take comfort in knowing that your loved one is at peace; and, give yourself some peace, as well.
There may be times when all these emotions are playing with you, seeming to ball up together. There’s no one answer how you will, finally, get to the last stage of your grief.
Acceptance
Over time, however, your denial, anger and guilt will be worked through – yes, it takes time, family and friends to learn to live without the daily presence of your loved one. How you come to accept their death is your personal journey – don’t let others tell you when you should be “over it.” There is no time limit on missing and remembering.
Wade Edwards Learning Lab has an excellent list of grieivng resources. These resourcese can be very helpful after losing someone.
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